Thursday, March 7, 2013

Dear God


Dear God, I'm puzzled. I know about you, I believe on your wisdom, but there is still something. I don't exactly know, but it is sort of a crazy curiosity. Do I need to fall in love with you? I mean, will that help me?

And, you are the all wise, so, maybe I need to dive into wisdom as well.

Help me please.

Monday, March 4, 2013

27th


Dear 5th March - Welcome aboard

Kaafi dino se apnay aap se baat nahi ki, tum aey ho tou chalo yeh karletay hain.

Ammi Abbu ki tabiyat theek nahi, laikin inn halaat mayn kaisay wapis jaeyn, woh dono ijazat hee nahi detay... December mayn aik cousin ko goli lagi aur doosra ighwa hua, aaj din mayn Abbas Town walon ki namaz e janaza mayn aik aur ko goli lagi, abhi tou Pakistan wapis anay ka naam bhi luun tou Ammi Abbu maar dalengay, waisay bhi zinda rehnay ke chances kam hotay ja rahay hain hamaray ab...

Hamid ki shadi ho gaee and I could not attend it, aksar shadiyon pe ab yahi ho raha hai ke I miss them badly, Faizan ke abbu ki tabiyat kharab hai aur dil chahta hai ke aksar miluun us se ja ke laikin mayn karachi mayn huun hee kab. Ajeeb disjointed si life ho rahi hai.

Apna rona kya roen, abhi tou unka soch ke sar ghoom jata hai jin ke ghar barbaad ho gaey hain. Yeh middle class loag poori zindagi laga ke aik do akmray ka ghar banatay hain, sab toot phoot gaya. Zohaib ka koi jaannay wala hai, pareeshan hai ke ab kahan rahengay, khandaan bhi ghareeb hai tou kisi ke ghar lambay arsay tak rukna asaan nahi. Pata nahi kya hoga is family ka, aur aisi tamaam families ka. Ammi Abbu shadi ka keh rahay hain, jab bhi ho, mujhay nahi lagta I can hold a happy-go-lucky shadi, itnay loag mar rahay hain aur barbaad ho rahay hain, mental stress se guzar rahay hain, aur mayn koi dhol dhabakay wali shadi karuun? How? Only if I become numb, or senseless, jo kaafi loag ho hee jatay hain hamaray yahan majbooran.

it is my birthday today. i usually receive phone calls or messages. i feel good that people care about me. but, it just doesn't feel good right now, in fact i feel hurt if someone says happy birthday to me right now. aisa ke jaisay koi taaziyat kar raha ho. shayad taaziyat zyada behtar hogi happy birthday kehnay se.

Pata nahi. Bas make sure no one dies, jaan se bhi, aur dil se bhi. Aur bas Karachi, aur baaqi saray shehr, poora mulk, khair se rahay. Karachi ka naam letay uay hee aisa lagta hai kisi bewa ka naam le rahay hon, ya kisi aisa maa ka jis ke bachay maar diye gaey hon. I miss Karachi, laikin jab halaat kharab hotay hain tou I miss it more. Dill chahta hai is ko bhairion se bacha luun, aik ajeeb sa ghussa dimagh ko control karleta hai Karachi ka soch ke.

Khair... Mujhay gift waghaira bhi nahi pasand, laikin can you promise to be a hope for a better day and better upcoming days? Ok sorry, I know it is more than enough to ask for as a gift...

Khuda hafiz.